You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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