i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
