she looked like the before picture.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
