ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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