You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
