dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
