Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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