Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
