Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
