What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
