yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
