His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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