i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
