they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize