Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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