remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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