So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We named our party play list daddy issues
our cab driver is having phone sex.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
