Already got asked if we're dating
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
