Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize