it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
