Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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