it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
