I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
we're so committed to being not committed
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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