Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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