I love black thongs
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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