why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize
