i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
