I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
