Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
