Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
