How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize