Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
