what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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