If i come over, it means nothing
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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