seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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