I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
