One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
