That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
