Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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