kristin has been a bad kristin
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
His hands were made for my vagina.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i've created a new STD.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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