Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
