Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
