Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
