He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
