why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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