just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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