Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
