What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
