One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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