how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
