also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
