Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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