i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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