If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Quick, to the slutcave!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
