Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
