i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
