I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
