either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Everything about him screamed your future.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Help me help you realize you are a moron
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
