i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
