I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
