do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
