her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
