Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
