how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize