I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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