quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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