I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
