i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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