Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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