I look better un-naked...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
