i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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