There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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