Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize