Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
