Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
