Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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