you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
