if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
