If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
