i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
