We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
