Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
