i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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