Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
