Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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