Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
