O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
