you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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