worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
