Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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