i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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