OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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