my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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