my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You ate ashes out of my bong
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
