a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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