the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
