BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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