New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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